Thoughts That Don't Have A Prayer As The New Year Begins

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And as the curtain descends on another year,

I thank thee, Lord, first that I am still here,

And while others with that may not agree,

I prefer to focus elsewhere in reviewing '03

Second on my list, God, for which I say amen,

I wasn't specifically ruled out of any one FOM,

And while it's not like I want things to remain the same,

I'm still happy my credit union has opted to stick with its name

The same can't be said for my CU credit card,

Which was sold to a bank-I guess that wasn't hard,

The CU/member affinity is loved by the big bank,

at which I'm now a customer-I now know where I rank

Still, Lord, I can't complain too much about my CU,

Which has remained a co-op, unlike quite a few,

where insiders took the CU ideal on a little excursion,

And in the process managed to put the 'con' in conversion

I wonder, too, Lord, as another quick year concludes,

If mankind was what you had in mind with some of these dudes,

There was the robber who ran outside only to drop the loot,

Which then was stolen by someone else-bet he said more than shoot!

Perhaps he'll have a cell mate who can also share with pride,

Why it's bad to rob a branch that already has a SWAT team inside,

Or perhaps he'll meet another who can share this important tip,

Never write your robbery demands on your own deposit slip

Lord I would have prayed that you add your almighty heft,

to finding the criminal involved in my identity theft,

but frankly he's been spending far less than I typically do,

my credit rating's actually getting better-for that I say thank you

Lord, you've sent among us many who speak in tongues,

It's time for an investigation-someone contact Connie Chung,

You think you couldn't ever top that parting of the Red Sea,

Try tackling no more acronyms for the credit union industry

At least with Noah you kept it simple with the basic cubit,

No FICO, no CRA, no ROA and no UBIT,

no MCIF, NSF, TIP, MBL or ROI,

What ever happened to the lions and tigers, oh my!

At least, Lord, this year you provided some good news,

to those who have for centuries been singing the bluest blues,

We had known them as the poor who lived in poverty,

This year we learned they're 'wealth challenged'-I can hear their glee

I also ask that you might someday explain to me,

Some questions I find troubling-please help me to see,

Why those who have secure jobs and every single holiday,

still believe they need a labor union at the agency NCUA

I thank you, Lord, for safe travel in this year and the last,

To Future Forums future and Future Forums past,

There was keno in Reno from which CUs split the scene-o,

Too bad there was little discussion that invoked Edward Filene-o

I pray that if I ever agree to a barefoot walk 'cross hot embers,

that I'm not in line behind a group of volunteeer board members,

And if in prison I certainly pray that I will not have to holler,

That my parole is moving slower than replacing Dennis Dollar

Two-thousand four means it is an election year that we are in,

Let's pray members don't emulate the feds' financial discipline,

Because whether you vote Democrat or for the GOP,

How long before they are calling in a bankruptcy attorney?

Lord you may need to prompt CUs before they are dismayed,

to learn they've been outperformed in the American Banker survey,

'Cause forgetting to focus on members is sure to mean a lickin',

Especially when most believe 'coop' has to do with a chicken

So here's a prayer for all CUs to not forget to thank,

All of their members who have decided they will not bank,

And if you think it doesn't matter if they all depart,

Then say hello to your new job as a greeter at Wal-Mart

Finally, Lord, if I may pray for just this one thing more,

It's a refrain you've heard from me yet I'll ask again in '04

And will continue to pray 'til I've gotten long in the tooth

Please, God, do not let me die in a trade show booth

Frank J. Diekmann can be reached at fdiekmann cujournal.com.

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