Al Roker kicked off the American Bankers Association convention here Saturday.
That's right, Al Roker, the weatherman on NBC's Today show. He was a last-minute stand-in for CNN talkmeister Larry King, who canceled.
What does the weather have to do with banking? Good question.
Mr. Roker delivered lines such as: "Weather people - we're all just weenies, let's face it."
In case you were wondering, Mr. Roker's mentor is Willard Scott.
Mr. King was to have moderated a presidential debate via satellite between President Clinton and the Republican nominee, former Sen. Bob Dole.
When the candidates declined, Mr. King was to discuss the November election with a couple of political pundits. But when he didn't show, that duty fell to ABA executive vice president Donald G. Ogilvie.
Mr. Ogilvie asked the bankers to raise their hands if they thought President Clinton would win Nov. 5. Most of the hands went up. Then he asked whether they thought he should win. Very few hands were raised.
The pundits appearing were Ken Duberstein, former President Reagan's chief of staff, and Morton Kondracke, executive editor of Roll Call, a Capitol Hill newspaper. They predicted a Clinton victory and agreed that Republicans would keep control of Congress.
Both said that, if the GOP loses control of the House, Speaker Newt Gingrich would resign from Congress.
But it wasn't all prognostication; the pundits had some truly funny lines.
Mr. Kondracke said Marion Barry, the mayor of Washington who went to prison for smoking crack cocaine, "is the only chief executive of an American city who arrived at his inauguration in a limousine with license plates he made himself."
"He's also the only one who inhaled," Mr. Duberstein added.
Mr. Kondracke characterized the upcoming debate between Vice President Gore and the Republican nominee, Jack Kemp, as a battle "between a quarterback and a goal post."
*
Regulators followed the pundits and, in a first for an ABA convention, the three agency heads followed one another to the podium.
First up was Federal Reserve Board Chairman Alan Greenspan. He read a sober speech on risk management or, at least, he used that phrase frequently. With Mr. Greenspan, it's always hard to carve through the jargon.
Ricki Helfer, chairman of the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp., spoke third and echoed Mr. Greenspan's serious tone while delivering her message more clearly.
Her talk on banking today and in the future was jammed with facts. The 20-minute speech contained 22 sets of numbers. Ms. Helfer told reporters during breakfast that she had dumped a bunch of numbers to simplify her speech.
While Mr. Greenspan and Ms. Helfer came off as academics teaching a tough class, Comptroller of the Currency Eugene A. Ludwig seemed to be leading a pep rally.
"You ought to be able to run your businesses, not the government," he said, to applause. His speech was interrupted by applause five times while the bankers clapped only when Mr. Greenspan and Ms. Helfer concluded their speeches.
*
L. William Seidman made a comeback performance that brought down the house. Among many humorous observations, the former FDIC chairman shared a saying regulators use.
"When the tide goes out, we'll see who's swimming without a bathing suit," he said. And with all the changes in banking today, Mr. Seidman advised bankers: "Those of you who feel the tide moving need to look down."
*
Scott O'Grady, the U.S. Air Force captain shot down over Bosnia last year, clearly outdrew any other event at the convention, which ended Tuesday.
His speech Sunday morning - an uplifting account of his survival for six days in enemy territory - nearly filled the 1,200-seat convention hall. "You have to keep your sense of humor," he said. "If not, you'll miss out on the best parts of life."
The crowd thinned considerably when ABA president James M. Culberson Jr. presented the findings of the ABA Payment Systems Task Force.
There were just a few hundred left in the room by the time Walter A. Dods Jr. was crowned ABA president.
Three other bankers were installed as officers of the trade group: president-elect William T. McConnell, chairman and CEO of Park National Bank, Newark, Ohio; first vice president R. Scott Jones, chairman and CEO of Goodhue County National Bank in Red Wing, Minn.; and treasurer Hjalma E. Johnson, chairman and CEO of East Coast Bank Corp. in Dade City, Fla.
"Who else could get a bunch of stodgy bankers to wear these strange shirts with flowers and leaves around their neck?" Mr. McConnell said of Mr. Dods, who is chairman and chief executive of First Hawaiian Bank.
In his acceptance speech, Mr. Dods pledged to devote his term to improving the industry's image. Banks create jobs, sustain communities, and provide regional leadership, he said. "What do we get in return? We get legislation to limit ATM fees."
Mr. Dods said the ABA and America's Community Bankers should consider merging after Congress abolishes the thrift charter.
"I'm going to try to make that happen within the next 12 to 24 months," he said. "Banking won't die if we have a united industry with fair laws."
*
Land's End went all out to woo bankers at the convention. On Saturday night, the catalogue retailer delivered thousands of white polo shirts bearing the ABA logo to attendees' rooms.
But overall, there was little good loot to be had. Pens, letter openers, and Chapstick were the most common promotional goodies in the exhibit hall. There were 50 fewer vendors than last year.
SmarTel distributed hundreds of its prepaid phone cards. For one banker, the card caused more trouble than it was worth, according to company salesman Clifford Slater.
Tim O. Hall, a vice president at Blue Ridge Bank in Walhalla, S.C., used the card to check in with his house-sitter. The banker got nervous when no one answered, so he punched in a code that turns his answering machine into a microphone.
He heard two people arguing. One said, "We better get out of here," while the other said, "No, we've got time. Relax. Let's do what we've got to do."
Mr. Hall called the police, who showed up only to discover that the sitter had fallen asleep with the television on. Mr. Hall had overheard crooks talking in a movie.
"We had this impression that he'd been murdered, stuffed in the closet," Mr. Hall said.
*
The convention was held in the campus-like Hilton Hawaiian Village, featuring three hotel towers, a hundred yards of beach, and much wildlife, including warm-weather penguins.
But the convention didn't have many big-bank bankers. Only ABN Amro North America chairman Harrison F. Tempest and Boatmen's Bancshares chairman Andrew B. Craig 3d represented the big banks.
Mr. Tempest attributed the low turnout of big-bank bankers to the death of correspondent banking.
"Sixteen years ago, Manufacturers Hanover used to kill every shrimp in the sea for this conference," Mr. Tempest said. "Now the shrimp are safe."
